the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Randomize
