im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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