When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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