You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
