Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
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