all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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