Im at strip club and am horny
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
