i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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