Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
