Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
