you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My hand turned me down
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
