is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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