i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
