WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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