he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Two words: blizzard sex
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
