im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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