So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
