I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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