Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
