She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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