u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
