New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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