What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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