can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
