She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
