you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
