My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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