O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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