Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My dick has a subreddit
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
