ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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