I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
