I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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