So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
