I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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