I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
