I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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