You just made me feel so damn special
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
