We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
