I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
