The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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