U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
