Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
