At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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