is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Randomize
