Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
