haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
