I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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