We won't sleep together?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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