This is not my ceiling
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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