Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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