you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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