I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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