I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also, beer. Big fan.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
